Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Godzilla Movies: Worst to Best Bottom 5

I have taken it upon myself to rank the Godzilla movies from Worst to Best. This is merely a fun exercise, but it was quite a task ranking 31 movies in 1 series. I would love to hear your opinions on my rankings, or read your opinion on how these movies should be ranked. Until then, enjoy!


#31) Godzilla’s Revenge: Not a bad movie, if you fall under the appropriate age category. This movie does not reveal whether Godzilla was intended to be a real character within the universe or a fictional character that dwelt in the minds of kids. The real plot of this movie revolves around overcoming bullies. The main character is a little boy who is constantly harassed by a bigger kid known as Gabora. In the realm of the main character’s mind, Gabora is manifest as a monster that terrorizes Godzilla’s son on Monster Island. For children, this movie is quite the treat. For adults…it’s nice to see that your children find it entertaining. Godzilla fights a slew of foes in this movie, but almost all of the fight scenes are stock footage. If I were ten years old or younger, this movie would probably be closer to the top of the list.

#30) Godzilla vs Hedorah: Sometimes creative teams choose to take a fresh new direction with a popular character. That is the brunt of Godzilla vs Hedorah. Hedorah is a monster created from pollution and is toxic to the people he passes by. This film incorporates hand drawn animations, symbolism, and Godzilla’s brand new power of flight (exclusive to this film). I will venture to say that this film is not for everyone, but it is one of the most unique of the G films.

#29) Ghidorah the Three Headed Monster: As I was rating this movie, I was shocked that I ended up rating it 29 out of 31. It was this film that made me realize how solid the Godzilla film franchise really was. This movie is the first to feature King Ghidorah and Godzilla’s role as a hero (we actually get to seethis transition happen right before our eyes!). The plot is intriguing and the action is good. There are only a few reasons why it falls toward the bottom of the chart. This movie is definitely geared more toward children, but it lacks a key element that everyone anticipates throughout the movie: King Ghidorah. Ghidorah appears at the end of the movie and only fights the three hero monsters (Godzilla, Mothra, and Rodan) for a very short period of time. The plot development is good and the action at the end is solid, but when it’s all over you feel like you were robbed of something.

#28) Son of Godzilla: Oddly enough, this one would be closer to the middle of the list if not for one factor. The Godzilla suit in this movie is absolutely atrocious!!! This might seem like a petty complaint to justify putting this movie in the bottom 5, but if you have seen this movie, I think you would agree with me. Because Baby Godzilla (Minilla) hatches from an egg, the movie makers decided to make the Godzilla design more feminine…a feminine Godzilla. If you are wondering what a feminine Godzilla looks like, think of a fat Kermit the frog with childbearing hips. Minilla is not a celebrated character in the film franchise, but in this movie he fills his purpose and does so well. Godzilla does as well, but the viewer is left wondering, every time he steps on screen, “Why Toho? Why did you make him so painful to look at?”

#27) Godzilla vs Spacegodzilla: Rounding off the bottom 5 of the list is the first non-original series to appear in this countdown, Godzilla vs Spacegodzilla. Part of this film’s mediocrity is how much it disappointed fans upon its release. It took a new monster with a sweet design and interesting origins story and totally squandered an opportunity to wow fans. The complaint across Godzilla fandom can be summed up in the reality that it just did not seem like this film’s creators really cared much when they put together this movie. Elements of the story that harkened back to past films in the Heisei Series showed that the writers were at least making a conscious effort to make this movie interesting, but how it was accomplished was nothing short of pathetic. They design and effects guys took every positive element of this movie and ran it through a blender. Toho favorite robot M.O.G.U.E.R.A. was introduced to the Godzilla universe and was totally botched by an embarrassing outer space battle with Spacegodzilla. Spacegodzilla was cheapened with this strange evil plot to take over the world (he came across as a cartoon villain). And, dare I say, Baby Godzilla sported his worst design yet with eyes bigger than the adult Godzilla’s and a personality more irritating than Minilla from Godzilla’s Revenge. Might I remind you, Minilla talked in Godzilla’s Revenge. There were elements that prevented this one from falling at number 31, but as I said in opening, this film was such a disappointment after Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla II.

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